A little bit on work culture (in lieu of Sunday Culture)

Tired me was at a work conference at the end of a week of annual leave. A choice I stupidly made for the greater good but which has entirely drained me (when I am already at a bit of an ebb). I bet no-one I spoke to bar my very close pals would have known that. There were some wonderful talks that definitely enhanced my knowledge. I enjoyed seeing familiar faces from my training. But one question to a speaker who taught us about supporting neurodivergent trainees absolutely fucking enraged me and the impact of it is still lingering. So pull up a pew, dear reader, as I get this off my chest.

The question was something of the ilk of ‘but what if they can't work overnight, what if there aren't reasonable adjustments and the rest of us suffer’ (HEAVY paraphrasing as in my anger I remember only the general gist and my visceral response to it). I think I'm probably what would be considered neurotypical so why was I so incensed? Well, the vibe in response to that question was a murmur of assent and agreement. Or at least that’s what it felt like. Those with differences and/or additional needs are not an opportunity but a problem. And this comes at the end of a week where a particular disability has been very visibly observed (with hurtful impact, yes) and misunderstood at a national awards ceremony.

I have written very honestly before about the impact my chronic illness has had on me. About how I have had to make essential changes to the way I work and, yes, these are considered ‘reasonable adjustments’ (and covered by disability law, by the way). You know how you think of an epic punchline way too long after the fact? What I wish I had been able to do in the moment was put my hand up and challenge that endemic viewpoint. What I would have said would have been something like….

“my name is deirdre and i am a consultant in edinburgh. most of this room probably know who i am as i trained here or you remember my name from when i chaired a national committee. is there anyone in this room who considers ME less than? WELL i have had reasonable adjustments enacted in order to help me stay in the workplace. they can work without disadvantaging anyone else and i challenge every one in this room to consider that before casting judgement”. mic drop, f you, etc. Not that you have to have been a (former) big name in an organisation in your workforce to be worthy of respect, I’m not saying that. But that maybe using my voice to demonstrate that any one of us can be living with circumstances that are invisible to others and that might require additional support within the workplace could be impactful.

But I’m actually far too fucking tired to be that voice at the moment. I don't owe anyone else an explanation and I will keep showing up as best as I can but with the focus more on me and my needs. What the bigger lingering questions are are things like why do we consider anything or anyone outwith the norm to be a problem or a barrier to be overcome rather an opportunity? I also have much deeper reflections about the modern workforce (not just in healthcare) and how it isn’t serving any of us. But I will save that for another time as I just don't have the coherence to put my points across as well as I would like to. Suffice to say I feel quite profoundly that a lot of us are in a form of survival mode and hence not able to experience what actually nurtures us (and, spoiler, it probably ain't the workplace).

I shall leave it there as I fight the looming sunday scaries. 

Thank you for reading and take care. It is honestly only a job.

ps watch industry, if only to make yourself feel a tiny bit better about that not being your workplace culture. IMAGINE.